The Tantric Relationship..How to Open Yourself Up

In a relationship, expressing your emotions can be tough but it is profoundly rewarding.
Do you find it difficult to let your guard down and be vulnerable in a relationship?
Fear of intimacy is the chief reason people do not open up emotionally with another.
Intimacy means feeling safe with another when you expose the ‘real you’ to them. Intimacy involves protecting your beloved rather than exploiting their vulnerabilities. Importantly, Intimacy does not just mean sexual relations between partners.
A huge range of emotions and behaviors enhance the intimacy or deepening of your relationship.

Your own feelings are key to discovering what intimacy-building behaviors will work for you.
If you want a closer, deeper and more emotionally safe relationship, decide to identify your feelings and share them with your partner.
These practical tips can help you discover and share your emotions with your partner:
Identify your feelings. How can you put your finger on what you’re feeling?
Become aware of your body’s movements and sensations.
  • Do you feel a tightness in your chest?
  • Does your heart hurt?
  • Are you smiling or frowning?
Once you notice your body’s sensation, you can pinpoint the feelings associated with it.
You can find many descriptive feeling terms through a Google search.
Look up “feeling words” and pick a list of terms you identify with. Keep an emotional tracker and jot down words 5 times a day.
Over the course of a week, document what you are feeling at mealtimes and bedtime and look for any trends or patterns.
Talk about it. After identifying your feelings, you can choose to share them with your beloved. If this is new to you, you may feel uncomfortable, which is perfectly understandable. Happily, the more you practice sharing your feelings, the more natural it will feel.
You always have the choice to not share your feelings. When you withhold your feelings, you are choosing to limit the level of intimacy between you and your partner. Your partner cannot possibly know the ‘real you’ unless you let them into your world by opening up.
Listen! Sharing your feelings is ground zero on opening up. You also can choose to listen to your partners feelings. This may be challenging if you have not done this before. You must give them your undivided attention. Listening to your partner is no time to multi-task.  Turn off all technology, sit down and maintain eye contact with your partner. Listen carefully to understand your partner’s feelings.
Validate each other’s feelings. As a child, you may have received the message that showing feelings is not okay.
Did a parent ever say, ‘Stop your whining or I’ll give you something to whine about!’
Such Phrases invalidate a child’s ability to define his or her own experience and feelings.
Validating feelings helps one to trust their own emotions.
Rule of thumb: Listen and repeat back your partner’s feelings in your own words, expressing that you understood what you heard.
Then, ask your partner if they want any problem solving advice or ideas. Be prepared to hear a resounding “No.”

 

Expect to make mistakes. Learn from your relational mistakes. Each emotional or behavioral mistake is a great opportunity to learn more about yourself and your partner. Learning about each other’s feelings is actually how you develop emotional intelligence.
The more you learn, the deeper your relational intimacy becomes.
Doing these simple steps will change your whole relationship dynamic for the better!
That loneliness you are now feeling  will be replaced by a new sense of security, tenderness and closeness between you and your partner.
Feeling emotionally connected will have an amazing impact on your sexual intimacy.
The rewards of opening up to another are profound.
Vulnerability is key in emotional intimacy.
Meeting the fundamental human needs of  sharing your innermost feelings and being accepted can lead to tremendous growth and deep healing in body, mind and spirit.
When you choose to open up in your relationship, it is well worth the effort!