The D/s Pain-in-Pleasure Realm

Many submissives enjoy the intense cerebral connection of D/s dynamics. To wit, they love the mind play and related feelings, which may last for hours end. After all, the human brain is our biggest sex organ!

My sub Jake shared his views on his attraction to the D/s lifestyle: “The words, tone, orders, reprimands and sheer audacity of it all totally enthral me. I never let anyone else to speak to me as You do nor have as much access to my mind, body and heart! I hear myself responding in ways that shock me, mouthy and improper to meek and pleasing or without any air in my lungs at all. Meanwhile, I feel with my mind, heart and body, anticipation, fear, love, desire, exposure, Your power and protection, desire and love. In the D/s dynamic, I’m far more sexually aware and enlivened as I learn learn more about myself.”

In the D/s world, pain feels phenomenal if done correctly. Whether your personal preference is giving or receiving, you must inflict pain in such a way so as to generate feelings of both hurt and ecstasy in Your sub. Clearly, practice is required to perfect this skill, especially when the sub and Domme are poorly acquainted. During the process, everyone will stay happy and healthy if you adopt a multi-step approach in creating pain.



  • Pain Contract. Before any actual pain infliction or any dungeon play, discuss possible pains options with your sub.
    • What is a limit?
    • What is never an option?
    • What is Your sub’s pain tolerance?
    • Do they have a high pain threshold?
    • Do they know what will hurt them too much?
  • Invite the sub to share any pain-related fear or concerns. Mostly, do they implicitly trust you as a Domme? Broach all such details prior to the scene before a flogger or whip even enters the bedroom.
  • Warm-Up. For the optimal physical response, warm up Your sub’s body.  Akin to exercise, you must get Your sub’s blood flowing if you want them savour the maximum sensations. First off,  spank or flog Your sub in a lighter fashion. At this point, you goal is not to hurt them, but to hyper-sensitize their nerve endings by pushing their blood flow to the skin surface (leathering up the skin). Do this for a bit so as to help sink the sub into a different mindset, where they will dwell so much on pain.
  • Intensity.  Once the body is warmed up and the sub seems ready to accept the pain that you are about to deliver, turn up the intensity. Focus on one area of the body, then move to another in a systematic way. Ensure the sub’s body isn’t getting too much in just one small area, as this can cause the body’s pain response to numb the area and keep the sensations from being pleasurable. Also, watch to see what the sub is doing. If the sub is moving towards Your hitting implement, they are clearly enjoying the sensations. If they are moving away, move to a new spot on their body, where they are not yet as sensitive.
  • Identify Where And Where Not To Hit Your sub. Then, start off slowly and intensify the play as You go along.  As you work with Your sub for prolonged periods of time, this process becomes instantaneous. At first, however, it is wise to go slow.  After all, if you harm Your sub, you may never get a re-do. When the trust between the ProDomme and Her sub is eroded, trouble will ensue.  In other words, finding an effective means to  give Your sub a sense of pleasure will be tough. With more practice, you will invariably discover more ways to enhance and intensify your BDSM scenes.

I am The Divine Mistress Bliss, a Certified Tantric Teacher, Sexual Embodiment Coach, Sacred Intimate, Blissful Bodyworker and certified Bondassage® and Elysium Practitioner. A lifelong spiritual seeker, I have been formally trained in energetic aura manipulation, Kundalini awakening, Tantric healing, massage therapy, Reiki and Dark Tantra. In my multi-disciplined approach, I manipulate sexual energy for the highest good. With a background in tantra, kundalini yoga, meditation, qi gong, energy work, sexual psychology and relationship coaching, I employ a unique, rich healing blend for each client. My tantra training initiation was a lengthy process extending over several years, including studies in India, to gain the requisite experience to instruct others. My spiritually-based practice is ideal for those who wish to embrace a higher, enlightened state and use tantra to create kundalini awakening and a deeper connection to their partner(s).